Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Episode VII

SJ Wars: The Mangina Awakens.

"Stop grabbing my hand" Rey yells over & over, letting the audience know she's a Strong Female Character ™. When Han Solo gives her a gun, she says she "can handle herself," because a man giving a Strong Female Character ™ a weapon is clearly misogyny. When the female alien gives her a weapon, it's ok though.

Rey is not just a Strong Female Character ™, Rey is a Mary Sue. She's so strong that she is able to have a lightsaber fight with Kylo Ren, the Sith who is so powerful he stopped a blaster beam mid-air, even though she had zero training with a sword. Luke didn't even fight anyone with a lightsaber until episode V, after he had been trained. It doesn't matter that Kylo Ren was injured by Chewbacca's Bazooka-crossbow, try to spar with even a high school fencing kid & you will lose in seconds. But not Rey!

She can even use the force to control a stormtrooper's mind to release her from captivity, again without training & without hand waving.

This is all after our Strong Female Character ™ can pilot & fix the Millenium Falcon better than Han Solo can.

She can even speak the beep-beep language of astromech droids. Nobody in the movies speaks "astromech droid," except for Rey of course, because she can do anything, she's a Strong Female Character ™.

She can even see visions when she touches Luke's lightsaber. Something nobody else has done. Rey is so super-special-awesome-grrrl-power that I'm surprised she didn't just fly into space without a ship.

I'm not even going to talk about the other reasons this movie was bad like how Finn is a bumbling mangina who gets friendzoned. & can also use a lightsaber without training.

So even thought most of the audience is adult men, Rey is a Mary Sue becase it's $Current_Year.